Supernatural Seduction

F.J. Bergmann

You think ​erotic, but you’d be wrong. The exotic
aspects of those of the paranormal persuasion
are generally over-rated. Sure, they can get you
in the mood with a glance or touch of glamour,
but after you succumb (often in the larger sense),
there are certain ... drawbacks. Succubi (or incubi,
if you swing that way) are exhausting — take it
from me, summon on weekends only. Werewolves
can be devotedly enthusiastic, but on rainy evenings
the smell of wet dog is a turn-off, as is dog-breath
on all occasions — and it’s wise to have a few pounds
of steak on hand. Golems are tireless (they stay
hard ​​forever), but lack imagination in the sack.
Djinni are a bit ​​too​ imaginative — neither lamps
nor bottles work well as sex toys. Fairies aren’t,
necessarily. Trolls are. Always. Mermaids never
come up for air. Vampires have that sensual vibe,
but are either constantly looking for reassurance
about their looks (comes from not being able
to check out mirrors) or think it’s a cute prank
to make surreptitious videos of their encounters
(where they aren’t visible either, and you look
like a deranged idiot ​à la When Harry Met Sally).
Dragons can take human form, but their vestigial
tails betray them, and they belch gouts of flame
at the moment of orgasm — ​une petite mort flambée.

F.J. Bergmann edits poetry for Star*Line, the journal of the Science Fiction Poetry Association (​) and Mobius: The Journal of Social Change (​​​), and imagines tragedies on or near exoplanets. Recent work appears in Apex, Asimov's, Eye to the Telescope, Pulp Literature, and a bunch of other places.