You think erotic, but you’d be wrong. The exotic aspects of those of the paranormal persuasion are generally over-rated. Sure, they can get you in the mood with a glance or touch of glamour, but after you succumb (often in the larger sense), there are certain ... drawbacks. Succubi (or incubi, if you swing that way) are exhausting — take it from me, summon on weekends only. Werewolves can be devotedly enthusiastic, but on rainy evenings the smell of wet dog is a turn-off, as is dog-breath on all occasions — and it’s wise to have a few pounds of steak on hand. Golems are tireless (they stay hard forever), but lack imagination in the sack. Djinni are a bit too imaginative — neither lamps nor bottles work well as sex toys. Fairies aren’t, necessarily. Trolls are. Always. Mermaids never come up for air. Vampires have that sensual vibe, but are either constantly looking for reassurance about their looks (comes from not being able to check out mirrors) or think it’s a cute prank to make surreptitious videos of their encounters (where they aren’t visible either, and you look like a deranged idiot à la When Harry Met Sally). Dragons can take human form, but their vestigial tails betray them, and they belch gouts of flame at the moment of orgasm — une petite mort flambée.
F.J. Bergmann edits poetry for Star*Line, the journal of the Science Fiction Poetry Association (sfpoetry.com) and Mobius: The Journal of Social Change (mobiusmagazine.com), and imagines tragedies on or near exoplanets. Recent work appears in Apex, Asimov's, Eye to the Telescope, Pulp Literature, and a bunch of other places.